I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
