i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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