I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
