apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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