I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
