just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize