I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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