Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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