I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
