I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
