Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
