Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The air taste purple.
Randomize
