its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
try to milk me bitch
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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