Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
