I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
