I accidentally burped into my bong.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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