I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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