We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
