They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
