saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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