nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
