Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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