I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize