moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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