I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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