this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
