I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
