were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
