So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
