I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
