Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
