and you said cock pushups were impossible
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
