Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize