so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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