I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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