This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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