Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
