I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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