well most of my day revolves around power hour
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
