Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize