he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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