I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
