i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
