I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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