How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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