I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
