Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
