Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I looked at my own cervix.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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