I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
