He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
