1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
