dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
