you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
