I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
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I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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