You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
