im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
