I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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