Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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