His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
