woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
