so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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