just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
