Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
