I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
