girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
