he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
