Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They have beer where we have blood.
i think i just lost a toe
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
