Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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