Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
