Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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