dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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